suppression

Posted: August 31, 2010 in RÅnÐΦm Th☺üght§

Have you ever had that feeling… the type of frustration that eats you up so deep inside because you have to keep things to yourself and be discreet about it…

When words are so available but you stop yourself from saying them because you don’t want to make other people uncomfortable upon hearing it…

When you want to speak your language through actions… and you know that you can, but you choose not to, because you don’t want to put other people into an awkward position upon seeing it…

Times when you limit yourself from the things that you long for, not because you’re afraid of what people might think about you, but because you don’t want people to judge the person you are with, based on just what they see in you.

Times when you want to shout, but you keep everything in silence, hoping that moment of frustration would pass…

Times when all feelings suppressed want to break free… yet you keep yourself in control… for the sake of other people, especially those whom you care for.

Times when you cant help but give in to what the “norms ” demand, even though you know deep inside, that it’s unhealthy to care too much about what other people might think… but still, you do, all for these random people around you.

All these… yet, those “people” never really care or even just recognize that effort. That effort of putting their feelings first, compromising your own happiness. Not that you want to be appreciated for that… but more on wanting to be yourself when you’re with just-about-anyone at just-about-anywhere.  Instead, you earn that same bias judgment, based on What you are and not on Who you are… and in the end, you face the consequences of living in this stereotypical world.

You finally come to a point when suppression becomes a part of yourself… and doing the opposite seems to be out of your character; when hiding your feelings becomes so seamless without a hint of difficulty… and in the end, you realize that that the more effortless it seems, the deeper the cut inside.

Suppression is like emptiness… you wish for it to vanish and never come back again, yet you know it will always come and visit you… sometimes, a little more often than you think, and there’s just no way to fight it. The irony is that sometimes, the more you stay true to yourself, the more you have to befriend suppression a little more.

😦

o+

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