the Past

Posted: September 6, 2010 in RÅnÐΦm Th☺üght§



The Past: to fear? or to be thankful for?

In a relationship, there sometimes comes a point when you get a little too obsessed about your partner’s past. Part of getting to know more about a person is knowing things about her past. Well, let’s face it — from that time  you will feel hint of “like” for a person,  you will always have that want to know more about her past… which can rather be a sensitive issue. There are things you’re excited to share, and some you’d rather not; some things you’re glad to hear, and some things you wish never happened… things that would rather pave way to conflicts, doubts, or worse, insecurities.

I don’t believe in the “Everybody’s different.” line… for me, it’s a cliche. Well, the statement itself is true, yes, but it’s overused — and most of the time, the wrong way. I don’t mean to be negative. Let’s think black and white and be honest about it — everybody compares everybody. People, given their experiences on other people, will always, at one point, compare. I’m not saying it’s right, but hey, it’s inevitable. Comparison is, in almost all aspects. It’s just simply the same as people compare things.


For example, there’s this restaurant, salon, or gym that’s been your usual go-to place. And then a friend introduces you to something alike and new. After the experience, you will always have this afterthought of “This place is a lot bigger”, or “The staff here are more accommodating”, or “My favorite restaurant still makes the best deserts.” Or how about your friend talking about a new relationship saying, “I’m happier now”, “In our X years, he’s never done that to me”, or “She’s still the best”.  Or have you ever heard of your teachers comparing groups of students year after year? If so, I do hope you’re in the ‘better’ group. ;p I personally have witnessed that. My point is, there will always be instances or occasions when you get to think of the people in your past. If it’s a good thing or not? only you would know.



Insecurity is common in relationships. And it doesn’t choose; it attacks anyone – men or women. It can be in all aspects: social status, looks, family background, personality, sex, career, etc. But when you completely overcome these insecurities, your confidence is at its highest, that it would take a huge rock to move your ego.  But of course, before you get to that point, you first go through a nightmare — a pool of Whys, Hows, What ifs, and a series of imaginations of your own understanding about your partner’s past.

Sometimes, with your way-beyond thinking of the the past, you try to be this person whom you think your partner wants you to be. You do things in a way you think your partner has been treated in the past. You try hard to please her that sometimes you loose yourself in the process. You forget that this person chose you because you’re different. This person has let go of the past for a reason. And you should know that she’s with you now because there are things she saw in you, that might have fulfilled what’s been missing in the past.

Don’t think too hard on how too please your partner at the expense of loosing yourself. You might be thinking too much that you forget to see what your partner loves in you… and the worse thing is hurting your partner in the process. You cant stay long in a relationship if everything has to be done with great effort. If you do, you will be drained. Nothing’s wrong with wanting to find out what your partner especially loves. But there are  also things done better with your own signature. The best way to love a person is to love her your way. It’s not about being at your best but being yourself. See how effortless both of you can be happy. And if soon you have to part, you will be amazed on how this person distinctly remembers you as you, and not as someone just like someone.

There are times when you cry, you think for a second, “I’ve never cried this often, or this much in my past…” and then in contradiction, you suddenly come to think, “Maybe I’ve never really loved someone this much for me to shed these many tears.”

So, is the past something to be feared of? or something to be thankful for? They say you should stop worrying about the people in your past, because there’s a reason they did not make it to your future. Be thankful for your partner’s past. If it’s too awful to be thankful for, accept it. It’s the least thing you could do — for yourself and for your partner. If you cant, then there’s no point of being in a relationship. Acceptance is the key… and it has to be two-way. If you love a person now, keep in mind that everything in his past has contributed to what he is now.

They say you’re lucky if true love comes twice in your lifetime.

Love with your heart, and love with what you are; that way, you’ve given your partner what others will never be able to give.  o+o+




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