_O.o..

Posted: October 21, 2010 in RÅnÐΦm Th☺üght§

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It’s been a while since they met. It’s surprising for him how she has become so much a part of his life. Everything was fine when all of a sudden, he realizes that she has gradually become his world… and more than anything, it fears him.

He tries to ignore the fact that he can’t be any happier with her around; incomplete without. He denies the fact that going out without her would only be a waste for him. But then the thought sinks in… and he can only lie to himself for a while. At some point, he despises the thought… only because he is afraid. He fears so much that his happiness might depend mainly on one person. Because he knows no one is perfect… and she might fail him. He’s afraid that she might totally conquer him… or maybe she already has.

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And then for a second, he thinks he should reach out to other friends who have missed him. He decides he should have another outlet to the world. Just like her, he should have time for other people aside from her, and his family. He doesn’t mind that she enjoys without him with her other friends. Sometimes, he wishes he could be a part of it. But he knows it’s the right thing. He knows even couples need space from each other at times. He knows that in a relationship, it’s important for each of them to grow individually as well. And he realizes how much he has actually missed his long time friends; and that he owes them his time. He is happy to have realized this. He has learned a lot from her… and this is just one of the many good things.

He tries hard, over his spiral thoughts and emotions, to get over her past lovers. But in the end, it’s still all a struggle. He knows she loves him… he appreciates so much the love he has seen in her. But he knows he cannot escape bitter feelings, until such level of security that maybe only he understands.

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And then for a moment, he thinks, maybe he’s just being self-centered. Maybe he’s just letting all these insecurities overshadow her love for him. He feels bad because it seems he is asking for too much. Then again, he contradicts himself… but he decides to decipher his own puzzle in his own way because he knows only he completely understands. It’s like an endless battle against his own self because he doesn’t want her to have the inconvenience of being in the warp that he’s in. Many times, he feels twisted. He’s impatient, but he knows only time has the answer.

.

Until then, for him, love and fear will always go together. Because apart from all this, he knows he would never trade her for anything else…

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o+

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