sometimes, i wish to be a kid again…

Posted: July 14, 2011 in RÅnÐΦm Th☺üght§

my crying nephew

Today, I witnessed my nephew getting his first major wound. Well, he’s four years old, but being less of a kid (being forced to stay at home most of the time, because of the not-so-healthy neighborhood), this incident is more than just a scratch for him, in contrary to what those ‘normal’ kids out there might feel. Now that he’s grown up a little, I’m happy that he’s allowed to mingle with the other kids outside. Well, kids are kids… they get as dirty as they could and could only care less about it. But I’d love for him to find the ‘kid’ in him and have a normal childhood as I and my siblings did. Oh, boy. I was a boy when I was a kid!

his knee scratch

So anyway, what captured me while I was taking him to the bathroom, washing up his wounds, and his filthy skin, was the thought of how much pain he seemed to feel. I tried to boost his ego, being a big boy now, but to no effect. Well kids could sometimes really exaggerate the pain, just to get the most sympathy. But looking at him made me think that he’s feeling he’s going to die. I chuckled. Oh, how I wanted to tell him it’s nothing and it’s going to be okay. But I empathized with him. Reminds me when I was just also a kid passing this stage. Wondering on how those people around could act as if nothing happened… like it’s not a big deal, and as if they didn’t’ care that I was pain and it’s killing me. LOL!  He didn’t stop crying after a few minutes. After a while, I heard him cry out again, “No! I’m not going to die, Mom!” I assumed his mom was warning him to be careful next time, or else… ;p

It just reminds me of how easily a kid can get hurt… and how much easier they can get happy. And it reminds me of how us, grown ups are so much the opposite. It takes more for us to get hurt… and a lot more for us to be happy.  Is it because of this thing called feelings? emotions? It also reminds me of those times when I tell myself, “Emotional pain is so much worse than physical pain.” I’m reminded of those times when I was emotionally hurt and wished to be in physical pain instead. How I thought I’d rather be in that state than be emotionally drained.  And oh, yes, I get damn dramatic and emotional, too. ;p

My poor nephew reminded me of how vulnerable a kid can be… how vulnerable we used to be. But really, which is worse? Yes, kids get hurt easily, with one simple thing not granted, or with a scratch on the knee. They cry at the moment, thinking it’s the end them. But after a while, they smile and play again, not even noticing their healing wound and the scars after it. They fight with each other over a toy, but leave no grudges and laugh again the next moment. With kids, wounds leave no permanent scars; scars leave no painful memories to haunt them. But we, grown ups, when we let ourselves open into the emotional world, to attachments, to expectations, to love… the vulnerability is far more than just a kid’s fear of getting scratched and dying of it.

So would you rather have a kid’s immunity against emotional wounds and permanent scars?

For me, it’s a No-pain-no-gain situation. If you don’t let yourself be vulnerable to love, you will never truly feel it. But with that said, is it right to give everything, and leave nothing for yourself?

“Always leave something for yourself.” — this is a rule that I often hear from friends, and an advice I often give to one. But knowing myself, of how I really love when I love… of how much I really give when I love… and how much I look back whenever I get hurt, I often fight with my own thoughts and ask, “But how can you really love with reservations? How can you even say it’s really loving without really giving it all?” Then I realized the answer to all these questions is still love… Yes, love and respect for yourself. If people just reserve that love and respect for themselves, there’d be no battered housewives, no martyrs, and maybe less broken marriages, don’t you think? Well it’s not an easy “Yes”. I know there are a lot of points to take, and when you’re in the actual situation, you’ll realize life has a lot of ifs and buts, given different circumstances. Well, I could only say so much. I’m just 26 and what do I really know about marriage and love.

My nephew is just starting to have more of his firsts… and I’m glad to have been a part of this one. It’s unthinkable, but sometimes, don’t you just wish to be a kid again? ;p




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